“The day after New Year’s Day I got my check cashed. I usually eat to celebrate the occasion, so…

“The day after New Year’s Day I got my check cashed. I usually eat to celebrate the occasion, so I knew it might happen. On the way to the bank I steeled myself against it. I kept
reminding myself of the treatment and about my New Year’s resolution about dieting. . . . “Then I got the check cashed. And I kept out a hundred. And everything just seemed to go
blank. I don’t know what it was. All of my good intentions just seemed to fade away. They just didn’t seem to mean anything anymore. I just said, ‘What the hell,’ and started eating,
and what I did then was an absolute sin.”
He described starting in a grocery store where he bought a cake, several pieces of pie, and boxes of cookies. Then he drove through heavy midtown traffic with one hand, pulling
food out of the bag with the other hand and eating as fast as he could. After consuming all of his groceries, he set out on a furtive round of restaurants, staying only a short time in
each and eating only small amounts. Although in constant dread of discovery, he had no idea what “sin” he felt he was committing. He knew only that it was not pleasurable. “I didn’t
enjoy it at all. It just happened. It’s like a part of me just blacked out. And when that happened there was nothing there except the food and me, all alone.” Finally he went into a
delicatessen, bought another $20 worth of food and drove home, eating all the way, “until my gut ached.”